Bad News Day

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but today is Lame Joke Day! So we’re bringing you the corniest, the groaniest, the most eye rollingest jokes that we could scrape off the underbelly of the lame joke world. You didn’t ask for it, but you aren’t in charge. Ha! So, without any further boo hoo, here are the top 10 lame jokes of the month:

1) What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk? None. There is udder silence.

2) To the guy who invented zero – thanks for nothing.

3) Ladies, if you can’t appreciate a guy’s fruit jokes…let that mango. Man go.

4) Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

5) Some aquatic animals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.

6) My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

7) My friend’s bakery burned down yesterday. His business is toast.

8) The machine at the coin factory stopped working. We don’t know why. It doesn’t make any cents.

9) Someone stole all of my lamps. I couldn’t be more delighted.

10) And our number ten lame joke. I know it seems like more, but what did the mayo say when somebody opened the fridge door? “Hey, close the door. I’m dressing!”

C’mon now. Some of those weren’t so bad. It would do us all good to let our guard down and laugh a little. This world is a serious place and it’s easy to give in to despair. I find that watching the news helps. Okay, maybe not. If we let the current of culture carry us along, it’s easy to give up hope. Things are bad, but are they as bad as we think they are?

Brainy people who study the human brain tell us that we are wired to pay more attention to the negative than the positive. This trait is called “negativity bias.” After I spoke last night I’m sure 20 people paid me compliments, but one pointed out that my nose is crooked….guess what I remember? I think you knows what I remember.

On any given day, we pay little attention to the 342 things that go right, but one thing going wrong can turn our mood upside down. Negative things stick to our brains. We find them captivating. We retweet them. Tell our friends about them. The media know this and capitalizes on our negativity by feeding us a steady diet of bad news. Fear sells, they say.

But if we really believe God is sovereign and we’re in His hands, is this how He wants us to live? I can’t repeat Philippians 4:8 (NIV) enough, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” To live the joy-filled life God desires for us, we must say no to stinkin’ thinkin’ and a pessimistic outlook and retrain our brain with those whatsoever things.

One of my persistently grumpy friends tells me, “I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist.” No. A realistic Christian knows the enemy’s at work but doesn’t sit around grousing about what this world is coming to. We celebrate what has come to this world. A Saviour, Jesus Christ. We keep the goal in mind knowing that life’s greatest problems were solved when Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead. We have been forgiven. We are loved by God. We’re accepted by God. And our eternal home is going to be out of this world. This is no lame joke. It’s the best news ever.

But if you’re still looking for lame jokes, here’s another. A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars. Police have been working tirelessly to catch him. Ha ha ha!

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Phil Callaway

Phil Callaway, the host of Laugh Again, is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life.

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