The Big, the Bad, and the Lame by Phil Callaway

Have you ever laughed until your sides ached and you had to come up for air? Whenever I ask people in an audience how many have been doing too much laughing lately, no one raises their hands. Unless there are kids there. Their hands shoot straight up. They laugh each time an adult walks into a tree branch. But if you haven’t laughed enough, here a few lame jokes that will at least make you snicker.


• What has one horn and gathers milk? A milk truck.
• What do you call a song sung in a car? A cartoon.
• What’s green and loud? A froghorn.
• What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Wet feet.
• What’s round and has a bad temper? A vicious circle.
• What did the rug say to the floor? “Don’t move, I’ve got you covered.”
• What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
• What kind of bone will a dog never eat? A trombone.
• What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.


Kids send me their own jokes sometimes. But a few grownups have outgrown laughter. One told me, “I don’t think Jesus laughed. Why should we?” Are you kidding? The Creator of the funny bone, the chimpanzee and the ant-eater doesn’t laugh? I hope you haven’t given in to prune-faced cynicism and negativity. The easiest thing in the world is to be a critic. I’m guilty of it sometimes. If we weren’t allowed to sit around complaining, most coffee shops would be bankrupt by Wednesday. But cynicism is no friend of joy. Discernment is of the wise; negativity is not. For the cynic, every picture frame is crooked, every tuna casserole over-cooked.


If you’re ever tempted towards cynicism, here are three biblical ideas to remember. First, choose to think on things that are pure and lovely and of good report. It’s startling what one positive person can do to a conversation. Secondly, when you see faults in others, reflect on God’s grace to you. Dale Carnegie said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” Third, make the theme of each day gratitude. “In everything give thanks.” Everything? That’s what the Bible tells us. And when we carry out this simple act we find that everything changes. Joy grows best in the soil of thanksgiving.


So think on things that are pure. Reflect on God’s grace. Give thanks today. It’s impossible to be a cynic when we do this. And it’s highly likely that you’ll find yourself laughing again. Even at jokes like this: What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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Phil Callaway

Phil Callaway, the host of Laugh Again, is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life.

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