Articles

Are you aging? Be honest. Nothing prepared me for getting older. For one thing, I thought my school teachers would kill me. But somehow I’m still here, waking up each morning gazing into the mirror at a middle-aged balding guy who looks like my dad. Whatever age you are, here’s a quiz for you: When…

A father was trying to teach his young son the dangers of drinking. So he filled a glass with whiskey, another with water, and dropped an earthworm in each glass. The worm in the water lived. The whiskey worm curled up and died. “What does that show you, son?” “Well Dad,” he said, “it shows…

Have you ever been pampered?   I was forced to go on a cruise not long ago. It was a work vacation really, or that’s what I kept telling my wife. I spoke five times during the week. But when I wasn’t speaking, I was eating. Keep in mind that I grew up below what…

What scares you? Two things terrify my dog Mojo. The first is our smoke detector. To my children, the smoke detector means that Dad is cooking supper; to the dog, it means her world is caving in. The high-pitched shriek makes her frantic. She clamors for the door and if we let her escape, she…

Have you ever laughed until your sides ached and you had to come up for air? Whenever I ask people in an audience how many have been doing too much laughing lately, no one raises their hands. Unless there are kids there. Their hands shoot straight up. They laugh each time an adult walks into…

Here’s our question of the day: if you were given 30 seconds to run through your house and take a few things before it burned down, what would you grab? I think I’d take my wife. And my golf clubs. And maybe the dog. On second thought, my wife could walk out on her own,…

Do you have any atheists in your life? I hope so. I hear all the jokes like, “God doesn’t believe in atheists.” Or quotes like the one from Woody Allen: “How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?” But for me,…

Have you ever been cranky? Years ago a friend came into my office with a cartoon of a prune-faced man talking to his doctor. He said, “What do you mean I’ve got an ulcer? I don’t get ulcers, I give them.” “That’s you,” my friend said. “Are you serious?” He laughed. “Well…just a little.”  …

Mothers are amazing. My wife grew up in a home of mostly girls. So when our two boys came along, she wasn’t quite prepared for two little orangutans streaking about the house wearing nothing but big smiles. They put jello in the toaster, mud in their diapers, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the…