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Five minutes from our house is a small zoo with lions and tigers and skunks and fainting goats. My friend Gord took his granddaughter there and sent me a picture of her holding a baby cougar. Then he saw the goats. In front of them was a sign, “Goats faint when startled.” For Gord this…

I like human beings. I happen to be married to one, I’m the father of three more, and they are wonderful creatures. But I’ll be honest, there are times I prefer the company of animals. Like the 7-pound fur ball that licks peanut butter off my fingers each morning. So in honour of the critters that…

I love kids. Especially other people’s kids, because they can feed ‘em and clean up after ‘em. Years ago after taking too much Tylenol I thought we should have some children of our own. So we did. They came one at a time, without manuals or mute buttons. But we loved them. About eight months…

I’ve been a dad for 27 years now, and a husband for 31. Trust me. These are invigorating, heart-stopping privileges. Here are a few tips I’ve learned. I hope they make you smile. And think.   1. Never loan money to anyone to whom you have given birth. 2. Let your kids see you laugh.…

One frog said to the other one, “Times fun when you’re having flies.” Well, time flies when you’re having fun too. I couldn’t believe how fast our daughter grew up. I told my wife it couldn’t happen fast enough. Rachael had been eating our food, driving our car and keeping us up late for years.…

On Thanksgiving Day there’s plenty of turkey at our house. We count our blessings, and then lie around on the floor nursing a pumpkin pie hangover, wondering how we could ever go outside and play football. But somehow we manage. We call it the CATDOG game, the Callaway Annual Thanksgiving Day Oldtimers Game. I’m happy…

Is there something you wish you could do, but can’t? I feel your pain. There are things I can’t do. At my age, and in my condition, I can’t complete a standing back flip without ending up on a hospital gurney. Due to the dimensions of my stomach, I cannot eat that 76-ounce steak at…

I’m beginning to think that there’s a contagious case of insanity going around when it comes to the things men will do. Take, for your consideration, the Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling Competition. Held near Gloucester, England. From the top of the hill a 9-pound ball of Double Gloucester cheese is rolled, and competitors race down the…

Did you ever encounter a word that made you laugh? Here are a few I have laughed at since high school. Absquatulate. It means to leave. Next time you leave a room, say I’m going to absquatulate. Canoodle is a word I miss hearing. It means to hug and kiss. Work that into your vocabulary.…